Control.

Dear Journal,

Today, was supposed to be a great day until things went LEFT. I woke up and felt as though I was in control. I had left for work on time. I told myself that I would have a great day no matter what. It was going just fine until I arrived to work around 8:58am. I am a happy person and enjoy conversing with everyone. As I was walking upstairs, I decided to speak to the girl at the security desk. In my head, I knew she would greet me with the same energy and a response. As soon as I spoke, she rolled her eyes and looked back down to whatever she was working on. Immediately, my temperature began to rise and I felt myself wanting to lash out at her. I composed myself and kept walking, attempting to let that go. Shortly, like 5 minutes later, I was slowly being pulled into a cyclone of emotions. The last incident started to bother me to the point that the sound of rejection chords started to ring in my head. Shortly after, I tripped over the voice of doubt that activated the harmonies of my low self-esteem. It started to play a three-part arrangement of past, present, and possible future hang ups. I had to gain control again. I didn’t want what was on the inside to reflect outwardly.

I sat down in a chair to center my emotions. For a moment, I felt like I was gaining the victory over this disruption until I spilled my water. Yes, something simple as water fell onto the floor as I was drinking. My mind spiraled into a rainfall of inadequacy. All I wanted to do was go home and cry. My emotions had gotten the best of me all because one person didn't say hi back to me. I attempted to get through the day but others could tell something was wrong, and that troubled me more.

As I was leaving, I bumped into the girl and she explained that she was having a bad morning and recognized that she didn't speak back. She apologized.

Instead of using that pick me up to regain control of my emotions. I decided to beat myself up for taking something so small, personally. I canceled my date and decided to go home. I was emotionally drained and felt like I couldn’t recover from this out of control day. Hopefully, the girl will speak and I can just have a good day. I want to be in control.

- Signed, CONTROLLING AMBER

What happens when life hits us in our sensitive spots? What happens when the people disappoint our expectations? How will we respond?

The average person is disappointed when expectations we set for ourselves and environment aren’t met. Rightfully so. However, we have a chance to change the narrative of the story just as Amber could’ve. When others don’t meet our expectations, remind yourself that they too are human. Remind yourself that their disappointment doesn’t have to dis your appointment for greater. You may not have the ability to control what is going on around you but you can always learn to master what goes on internally. So, I challenge you to practice mastering your emotions when expectations aren’t met. One recommended way to master control is through practicing affirmations. Affirmations are a positive tool to use to regain control. For example, “I may have made a mistake but I am not a mistake” can help you if you feel like you make mistakes. These affirmations should be phrases that you identify as areas of growth but also encouraging words to help you grow pass it. So, how will you gain control over your emotions? What will you affirm over yourself?